don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
tell me about the eggs
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
