Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
