too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my being single is dangerous.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
