Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
