so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
