He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
