I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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