Pants 0. Shit 1.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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