Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize