dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
