Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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