I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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