this beer tastes like vomit already
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
