he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
