oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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