Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
