i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
