Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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