Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
