And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
