Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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