apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
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