you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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