hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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