Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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