five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
