I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
