i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
