Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
