he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
