yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
