Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
