So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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