Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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