Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
