3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
