Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
