you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
