positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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