He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize