these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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