She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
