Do you still have your period?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
