so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We left the knife in your bed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
