So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
