the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
