Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize