Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I checked into jail on foursquare
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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