One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
