Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've blown a few things in my day
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
