According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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