I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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