You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
