We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
