If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
