When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
