Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
