Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
