I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
