Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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