I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize