hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
