Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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