I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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