OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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