if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
