I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
high people should be assigned attendants
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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