good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
