I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
