You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
