I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
