you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
