Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
