just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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