I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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