I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize