who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
