the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
