I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
