Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
