Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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