3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize