I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
