Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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