i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
