Just fell off a train. Bad.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
