Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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